Maybe you’re already running on empty. Maybe you’re on a deadline with way too much going on in your head and you get hit with a passive aggressive email from your boss that just pushes you off the edge and makes you think something like…
“I can’t handle all of this!”
“I have so much to do I don’t even know where to start.”
“I’m freaking the F&$% out, man…”
“I feel like I’m drowning.”
“I’m pissed off all the time!”
Know what I’m talking about?
I felt this way for so long that I actually got used to it. It felt like my new normal.
I was in a high-paying, high-stress job with a lot of responsibilities and an endless quota. I was 24, and had made a million dollars in my career already. I justified it by “working hard and playing hard.”
I did what any single 24 year old guy in this situation would do — go wild with the money. I bought a $106,000 Mercedes, traveled first class all over the country, went to every major sporting event, and got backstage tickets to concerts.
I thought this would make me happy. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. And it didn’t negate the fact that I was extremely stressed out from work. Since I never let my mind shut off, I was beyond burnt out.
You know the “Sunday Scaries”? Yeah that was my everyday life.
I thought that making more money would solve the problem, so I worked longer, harder, and faster. The work just kept speeding up, and the play was speeding up, too. I was partying harder than ever, but I was absolutely miserable. And the spending continued.
One of the breaking points for me was sitting at the Super Bowl (in a $13,000 seat, mind you) next to Kevin Durant.... but I didn’t even feel like I was there. I took a picture with him and, of course, posted it on Instagram.
Yeah, I had a smile on my face, but I was anything but happy.
All I could do was check my phone constantly, thinking about how many likes and comments my photo was getting. I had the best seat in the house, but I missed the game because I was too busy staring at my screen. I missed what was one of the best Super Bowls ever.
Does this sound familiar? How many times have you been at a concert or at dinner with friends but you are more focused on who did or didn’t like your posts? You’re physically there, but mentally so far away.
I remember flying to the NBA All-Star Game and thinking, “The only reason I’m going on this trip is so I can post an Instagram photo. What am I doing with my life?”
I thought, “Is this how I want to live and work for the next 30 years of my life?”
I was so caught up in everything going on, and constantly seeking validation from others, so much so that I was never actually “THERE.”
“If you’ve ever found yourself literally screaming at your computer because your WiFi connection isn’t strong enough to send an email, you know what I’m talking about."
I’d be on vacation thinking about my friends at home. I’d be at work thinking about home, and be at home thinking about work.
Here’s the problem:
I couldn’t handle everything being thrown at me. It was too much, too fast, too often. I just wanted to sell my stuff and move to Bali.
I was in this constant cycle of reacting to everything around me.
When you run at a baseline of super high stress all the time, the smallest things can put you over the edge. If you’ve ever found yourself literally screaming at your computer because your WiFi connection isn’t strong enough to send an email, you know what I’m talking about.
If you’re feeling stuck in the rat race and the noise of it all, here are three truths and my go-to method for creating chill amid the chaos.
When you’re able to put things in perspective — when you’re able to differentiate between true struggle and every day B.S. — you feel grateful. You feel alive! You realize your problems are smaller than you make them out to be.
When you feel calm inside, what’s happening OUTSIDE doesn’t affect you nearly as much. You don’t have to quit your high pressure job to finally learn how to calm down.
As you level up inside, you’re able to feel better about your outside conditions. The key is in learning how to “be here now.” When you’re at work, be at work. But when you leave and you’re with your friends, be with your friends.
It seems the older we get the less fun we have. I don’t know about but that is NOT how I want to lead the next 30 something years.
We are so anti-fun as adults that we literally have to schedule it into our calendars. Fun should be a reflex, yet, we treat it like a reward system, and most of the time we’re just depriving ourselves.
We mistakenly are told to believe fun can only exist when you have no problems. Life isn't about avoiding problems. It’s about having more fun while you solve them.
This method is so simple, you can start using it today.
You don't need to be spiritual.
You don’t have to rub crystals together or burn sage in your living room.
You don’t need tarot cards or a full moon either.
This is a huge help in those times when you feel like you just need a break, need to pop a Xanax — when you’re just completely freaking out... spiraling.
We call it the SHIFT method.
You can apply this method anywhere, anytime; whether you're in the car, at your desk at work, in the airport bathroom, or waiting in line at Starbucks.
In 5 simple steps, you can shift an otherwise crappy day into a clear, fun, fulfilling day, without worrying about the past or feeling overwhelmed by the future.
As I’m sure you’re already guessed, “SHIFT” is an acronym for these 5 steps. Ready for ‘em? Ok then...here they are:
The first step is to sit up straight. Keep your shoulders back and relaxed. Sit in a chair, or on the floor against a wall if it’s more comfortable. You actually can stand if you want too. Just make sure you’re not slumped over.
The big idea here is just to change your current state — if you’re sitting in your office chair when you receive some bad news, stand up and shake it off.
If you’re lying in your bed and you start feeling anxious, sit up.
Change your current state and move with intention.
Got it? Looking great.
Listen to the story you’re telling yourself.
A lot of our anxiety stems from stories we’ve created to make sense of our experiences.
We make assumptions and fill our brains with worst case scenarios
Once you become aware of the stories you're telling yourself, you have the opportunity to go back, rewrite, and move forward.
Zoom all the way out and evaluate the story from a neutral perspective. Minimizing our space within the story activates the process of minimizing our attachment and connection to it.
Figuring out the “story” takes the stress of out the equation, give it a try.
“Feelings are just visitors, let them come and go.”
Take a deep breath, inhaling through your nose and slowly exhaling through your mouth. Feel your chest rise slightly with each inhale. Repeat this process several times, slowly.
Your breath is your most accessible tool, and it can act as an anchor when things feel chaotic and out of control. Breath gives us back our power.
You know when you’re anxious and your entire body tenses up? All of a sudden your breathing gets faster, your hands are clammy, and shit....now you’re having a full blown panic attack.
Intentional breathing helps us counter the physiological responses that come with intense emotions like anxiety, depression, or fear. You can use breath to not only release tough emotions but to experience serious calm.
“During stressful moments, conscious breathing allows you to shift and release negative energy instead of storing it in your body. This is important, because stored-up energy often manifests as muscle tension and other physical ailments. Breath work has other benefits, too. It can increase alertness and oxygen flow and allow your body to release toxins more readily.” — Laura A. Peterson, R.N. Mayo Clinic
Notice where you are feeling tension in your body. Your neck? Shoulders? Back? Jaw?
Follow these body cues to relax and release tension
Surrender into the energy and allow it to move through your body.
As you release the tension, visualize the issue passing through you.
My story of my entire life has always been “I’m the fat kid” thus something is wrong with me and I am unlovable. That insecurity still follows me.
Recently I was boating in lake powell with a group of friends. After my turn on wake surf, I got back in the boat and didn't put my shirt on. We were cruising around some of the most beautiful slot canyons in the world but all I could think about was sucking in my gut as my shoulders, abs, and arms tensed up.
I quickly remembered to feel my body relax and release. When I let the tension move through my body so did the insecurity I was holding onto in that moment.
My overwhelm immediately went away. I was transported back into the canyon and was able to fully embrace the beautiful scenery. I ended up sharing an incredible moment with close friends shortly after.
The story of I am the fat kid, isn't real — I made it up. But more importantly it doesn’t need to be apart of my experience today.
“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” – Steve Maraboli
One of my favorite quotes is, “If your life wasn’t going to work out, it would have fallen apart already.”
You've made it this far. You're still here, right? Things are going to work out and you need to trust yourself. Trust that you will move forward.
If life wasn't gonna work out, it would've happened already. You're still here. You're reading this. Ever heard of the 5 by 5 rule? If it's not going to matter in five years, don't spend more than five minutes being upset about it.
“If your life wasn’t going to work out, it would have fallen apart already.”
- It’s normal to feel stressed out.
- It’s OK to take a time-out, it's how to calm down.
- When you’re feeling stressed, take a quick 4-minute break.
- Remember the SHIFT Method:
In my old job, my life was maxed out and I felt stress and anxiety all the time.
I thought I needed to leave in order to find any kind of balance.
After I left and started my own business, I was still stressed… Things popped up, worries came up, things happened…
It’s when I started using the SHIFT method that I was able to completely turn my life around. I’m not constantly on edge anymore. I finally know what it feels like to be relaxed, and yeah, it is all it’s cracked up to be.
You know what feels great? Not feeling miserable. With the SHIFT method, I’ve been able to gain the confidence I never had before. I feel more fulfilled, and I have deeper, more meaningful relationships.
Oh, and if I’m at a sporting event, you better believe I’m present and paying way more attention to the game than my phone. Finally, I’m living life in the moment.
And you can too.
If you’re interested in going deeper, I’m going to be recording a free video guiding you through this process. Click here to get on my email list and I’ll send it out to you. When you practice the SHIFT method, you’ll be feeling less stressed in no time.
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